If I asked you to diagram your year, what would it look like? My instinct is that it would resemble a dip, starting out high, dropping to a low, and then coming back up.

Almost all projects, roles, years, or experiences go through a dip. It only makes sense. We are typically excited to start, often get stuck in the doing of the doing, and then find a way to emerge in a good place on the back end of the experience. Think school years. Or new teams. Or sporting events for that matter.

Experiencing a dip is natural. We can't avoid them. That said, we can shrink their length and emerge sooner if we know two simple things:

1. What triggers the dip for you?
   
2. What triggers emergence?
   

In a recent coaching session, my client and I discovered that the answer to both is often tied to values. When we dip, it's because we lose sight of values (the beliefs that made us want to start in the first place) or we get casual with our values. When we emerge, it's because we ground ourselves in those deep-seeded beliefs and live authentic to them.

The trick is that those values are different for each person. So take 5 minutes to do this:

1. Identify a recent dip. Hint, you may be (read: likely are) in one now.
   
2. Identify what triggered it.
   
3. Identify what helped you emerge.
   
4. Dig for the values by asking "why." For example, if you got into the dip because time got away from you and you began spending more and more time at work, explore the value that was challenged. Balance? Priorities? Taking care of self?
   

Getting through dips, and helping others do the same, is the key to maintaining energy for the work!

The team you’re on is more important than the team you lead. If you don’t believe it, consider the classroom.

Let’s say you are team teaching, but you just endure the team teaching relationship because you have to. You don’t particularly care for your partner, you don’t agree with most of what they say, and you feel like time spent together is often wasted. So you put up with the partnership because you get to teach – it’s a necessary compromise to allow you to do something you enjoy.

Behind closed doors you are un-invested in the co-teaching model, but when you hit the classroom you really invest in the kids. You build relationships, remember important details about their lives, you know their tendencies, strengths, and weaknesses, and you do whatever it takes to help them succeed. Here’s the question: What is sacrificed for the kids because your relationship with your team teacher suffers? What is lost? What’s at risk for them?

Anyone who’s experienced this dynamic would probably say “a TON” because the reality is you can’t hide misalignment. People are more perceptive than that. And the message the kids get is “it’s ok for our teachers to be divisive and at odds.” And what’s the impact of that mentality?

• Kids might play favorites. One teacher might approve something that the other doesn’t agree with.
• Kids might feel uncomfortable with the sub-surface tension.
• Kids might only look out for themselves because that’s what their teachers do.
• Kids might fall into behavior issues because of what they observe.
• Kids lose sight of the learning and academics because they are so focused on the relational dynamic of the teachers.
• Kids might learn more slowly or get dragged through curriculum that shouldn’t take that long simply because the teachers are misaligned.
  

How is team leadership any different?

Prioritizing the team you lead over the team you’re on is like prioritizing the kids over the relationship between the co-teachers. This sounds right on the surface – kids are #1 – but over the long-haul the tradeoff is huge because at the end of the day the kids thrive when the teachers are aligned. They may still do well in the short-term even if the teachers aren’t cohesive, but how much better could they do with unified teachers? How much better could your team do if their leaders were “of one mind?”

There is nothing greater any leader can do than invest in the relationships on the team. Let me repeat that: whether you are a co-leader or you are on a team of leaders, there is no greater investment you can make than getting aligned, being vulnerable, and building unity.

When the school year starts, fires pop up that need to be put out. That may seem to be your top priority but don’t fall victim to the short-term game. We’re in this for the long haul. Delegate as much as you can and focus on the strength of the partnership: co-directors, co-teachers, co-leaders, or team members. You’ll thank yourself in May.

If people aren’t following, leadership techniques aren’t working, and you aren’t getting the results you need as a leader, it’s likely because of your gap.

Every leader has a gap between who they think they are and who others think they are.

The larger your gap, the less your influence.

I tell myself a story every day when I look in the mirror: I’m likable, charismatic, and committed. I drive to work thinking I’m a good manager, in control, and on the right path. And yet, each person I come in contact with may have a very different story about me. And guess what? Perception is reality, so what they perceive is true for them, regardless of what I think about myself.

The longer I allow that gap to persist, the less I’m able to lead people effectively.

• If I think I’m bold but others see me as stubborn they won’t easily follow.
• If I think I’m innovative but others see me as easily distracted they won’t be as committed.
• If I think I’m a good communicator but others think I’m terrible at communicating they won’t respond.

So how do you identify the gap? Better yet, how do you shrink it?

You have two options for shrinking the gap:

1. Self-discovery. As you reflect on who you are and how you may come across you will gain insight that will shrink your blind spot and improve your social awareness.

Try this: Immediately following your next meeting, take 3 minutes to consider 1) how you think you came across and 2) your non-verbals and what they may have communicated. Strive for objectivity. If you were observing yourself in a meeting, what would you see?

2. Observation and feedback. Nothing can take the place of someone else’s unfiltered, honest feedback. As they reflect back to you how you may come across you can gain clarity on areas to improve and close the gap.

Try this: Email three people you are close to and ask them to send you three adjectives to describe you. Then analyze the three words to determine 1) if they align with who you think you are and 2) if you like them. In other words, are you ok being identified in that way? If yes, then move on. If no, then figure out what you need to do to close the gap.

The gap won’t shrink on its own. Gap-shrinking takes diligent work. But the payoff is increased influence and results.

By the way, the larger the gap between who you are and what you do in your career, the less satisfaction you will experience. Fight the gap!