I was talking with a leader in a large independent school district today about the power of coaching and he stated, almost casually and without noticing, the three most important things that any leader needs before they ever attempt to coach a team member.

He was speaking of a mentor he had and said, "I went to him for coaching because he was authentic, I knew how he worked, and I knew he cared about me."

Did you catch it?

1. Authenticity -- being congruent with who you are, and not trying to be someone you are not.
2. Work ethic -- driving toward results.
3. Care -- Genuine interest in supporting another person and helping them improve.

If you've followed my blog or been in my sessions you know that managers of people only have two main roles:

1. Get results.
2. Develop people.

It's as simple and as difficult as that. How do you do that second one effectively? How do you develop people?

The key is coaching. You set people up with clear expectations to perform a task or role and then follow-up after the task or role (or oftentimes during) to have conversations that will help them improve their performance. You help them identify roadblocks and solutions, and tap their strengths and natural aptitudes to be successful.

Here's the thing. You can't do any of this without a foundation of the three things. So how do you build the foundation?

1. Authenticity comes from being self-aware about who you are and who you aren't and choosing to be congruent with what you know.
2. Work ethic comes from showing up to work and driving toward results. Not just coming to work, and not just being on time to work, but really showing up and bringing your full energy, dedication, and drive.
3. Caring about others comes from first getting in the right mindset: you exist to serve your team. Dave Ramsey says that when he first heard of servant leadership he was taken aback. "You want me to serve them?" But when he figured out that you serve your team by being direct and honest, providing tough feedback, clearing the path for success, and driving them toward results his mindset shifted. Your whole goal is to do what's best for them to help them produce results for the organization. Show them you care by asking about them, coaching them, observing them and providing feedback, and investing in their development.

Lay the foundation with all three and coaching will emerge naturally. Anything else won't move your team forward.

Like this post? Share it using the icons above and sign up below to get free tips, resources, and activities delivered magically to your inbox on an occasional basis. We're spam-free and value-add focused.

When I was 19, I left the comforts of my home in Dallas, Texas to serve as a missionary in Puerto Rico. One of my first memories there, for better or worse, was at a Wendy's.

I had been paired with a fellow missionary who had been on the island much longer than I and whose job it was to train me. One of the very first things he did to welcome me to the island was to take me to Wendy's for lunch. We walked in and he told me that my challenge was to order my own lunch in Spanish. I was nervous. I had minimal training in the language and ordering a cheeseburger and fries seemed daunting.

I stepped to the counter and in my broken Spanish said, "Me gustaria una hamburguesa con queso y papas fritas."

The lady stared back in confusion.

I repeated myself, gesturing at the menu: "Una hamburguesa con queso? Y papas fritas?"

Again, she had no idea what I was saying. Her colleagues chuckled and my fellow missionary leaned past me and said, "El numero uno," pointing to meal #1.

She finally got it and said, "Ah, quieres un 'cheeseburger' y algunas 'french fries.'"

Turns out, at least in Puerto Rico, cheeseburger and french fries are the same, except spoken with a slight accent. No matter how much I emphasized, gestured, and repeated myself, we simply didn't speak the same language.

This is the great challenge of leadership development training. Leaders go off and learn new language and new methods, and then return to their teams speaking French in Italy. People don't get it -- don't speak the same language -- and do one of a few things:

1. Write off the leader as a lunatic.
2. Grin and bear it until this phase passes.
3. Seek to understand.

Most of the time, unfortunately, the response is one of the first two.

How can you prevent this language gap?

First, recognize that leadership is all about common language. Everyone must speak the same language. This is why most of Proof's leadership training packages include not only one-on-one coaching for the leader but also team training. Common language creates efficiency and unity.

Second, if you do attend a training alone, carve out time to teach what you learned. Share readings and resources and invest the time to share the wealth. Leaders sometimes keep the learning to themselves, hoping to deploy their new tactics subtly without others knowing. Better to show them exactly what you're going to do and then go and do it.

Lastly, if you're ever the one to walk into an environment with its own language, do #3 above. Seek to understand. Get time on someone's calendar to explore the lexicon. Better yet, keep a running log of phrases and vocabulary you've never heard before and use time in a check-in on a periodic basis to gain clarity. Your efforts will not only help you acclimate but also show your interest and desire to learn.

Before you can even begin to lead, make sure everyone around you is speaking the same language.